It’s Complicated - Receive, Forgive and Restore - Philemon 1:17-25

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Well, I guess it's my turn, isn't it? Hey, good morning again. If you're just now joining us, we've been in this series called It's Complicated. And this is our fourth week in the series. And and here's what the series is about. It's about relationships. Um not the good part of relationships necessarily, but the more difficult part of relationships that we all experience. Part of the relationships with difficult people when hurtful words are said. And here's what we've discovered. That in relationships, because of the messiness of the relationships, they can be really complicated, can't they? In fact, sometimes it's really either it's easier to just ignore than try to reconcile with somebody when you're hurt, when things are said that shouldn't have been said, when there's the brokenness in it. And so, we've been looking together at this idea of relationships and possible the possibility of the reconciliation of relationships. And here's what I've discovered. This being the fourth weeks, I think maybe this is the most, how do I put this? the the sermon series that I've had more conversations with people about. And here's why. I think we've hit a nerve with one another, right? Not my nerve with you, but our nerve with our relationships. Because you could probably, every one of us think of one, two, three, or four different relationships that are difficult in your life, and they've been broken in some form or fashion, and reconciliation is needed. And so, I've had a number of people just come up to me and talk to me about it and just going, Keith, it struck a nerve. It makes you want to lean towards possibly reconciling. But yet sometimes the hurt is so deep, the bitterness is so strong, the silence is so long that it just really seems easier to continue to ignore the relationship than try to reconcile the relationship. And so here's what I want to let you know that I really believe and I want to just acknowledge that your hurt is real. Okay? Sometimes we just need to hear that. We need to be validated that the hurt that we feel, whether it's for the past week or the past 10 years of your life, the hurt that you feel from that relationship being broken the way it is, is real. And just as your pastor, I just want to say I am sorry for the hurt that you've experienced over the season of that relationship. Now, that hurt could have come from spouses who share homes with one another, but they don't really share hearts with one another. There's deep hurt that comes that way. It could be from siblings who treat each other more like strangers than they do siblings. It could be out of friendships that there was once this tight friendship, but something happened and now when there's a social engagement, you've got to figure out if that person is going to be there if you choose to show up or not because the awkwardness of that. It could just come from family relationships that just seem like they no longer exist. But I just want to acknowledge with you and validate with you that the hurt is real. And I started thinking about this in this way this past week. the cost that you and I have had to endure through the hurtfulness of these relationships. Like when I talk about the cost that we've had to endure, just the cost of peace. Have you ever just been sitting quietly in a room and it's just you and your thoughts, yet the thoughts of this broken relationship are shouting so loud in your mind. You may be in a room all by yourself, but there's no peace in that room. There's the cost of just sleep. Have you ever woke up in the middle of the night and for some crazy reason this person comes to mind? Instead of just going back to sleep, you replay in your mind over and over and over what caused the conflict? Or maybe you replay over and over and over in your mind the question of how did the conflict ever happen? And so the cost may come through peace. The cost may come through just even just sleep. Or what about this? It may cost us trust that somebody hurt you so bad in this relationship that you take that same hurtfulness and you move it to the following relationships that you encounter and you can't fully trust other people because this person so used up misused your trust. I I could go on about the costs that we experience when we have broken, hurtful, unreconciled relationships. the cost of family memories that Christmas is no longer what Christmas used to be because of the entities, the people who are part of that or are no longer a part of that. There are those that grandkids will never get to have the grandparents they want because of conflict between the parents and the grown child, the parents of those children. And so the cost of broken unreconciled relationship is found in in lack of sleep. It's found in lack of peace. It's found in lack of memories. And then there's this one too. The cost of unreconciled relationships, the brokenness, the hurtfulness of it um also can affect our intimacy with God. Because sometimes we get so hurt and hardened because of that hurt that it moves to our heart and it can even become a hardened heart towards God. There's resentment towards God. Well, God, if you would have gave me somebody different than this, if you would have made somebody act different in another way, it's your fault, God, that he or she acted this way. Am I speaking your language? And I shared these this morning. And I'm going, "Okay, pastor, you're supposed to start the the sermon off, and everybody's supposed to be feel encouraged, right? You just said the joy of the Lord, and you just took all the joy out of this room. Yet, here's what I want to do before we finish up and wrap up what what we're learning in God's word about relationships is just to acknowledge together the cost and the hurt that comes from broken, unreconciled relationships." And as I said earlier, as your pastor, I want to validate that for you that so many times we live in a world, especially when church, you're supposed to come to church and smile and make everybody think it's all okay. But we know this is below what's the smile is is the hurt. But here's the reason we've done this series. The purpose of this series is not for you to once again feel the pain of these broken relationships. The purpose of the series, it's complicated, is not to make you feel the pain. It is to help you heal from the pain. And that's the reason over these last three weeks, it's not just been Pastor Keith up here telling you what I think. We're looking at God's word. Because here's what I believe. God's word, God's word is always for our healing. God's word is always for our growing. God's word is always for our betterment of what God wants in our lives. And so, we're going to finish up today. We've been in this this letter, this small little book in the New Testament that's actually a letter and it's a letter written from the Apostle Paul to this guy by the name of Phileiman. And we're going to finish it up today. So, you have your hand out there. We're going to have the words up here, but let me just read for you these last few verses of this book. Now, if you're just now joining us today, let me kind of catch you up. There are these two characters, really three characters. There's two main characters in the story that we're reading, the letter that we're reading about. Phileiman who the letter is going to and this guy by the name of Anissimus. Onismus is a former slave who ran away stole some things ran away from so from Phileiman and so there became just conflict within their relationship. But Onysimus meets this guy the apostle Paul. The apostle Paul leads him to know who Jesus is. In the course of him just kind of rediscovering who he is but more than that discovering who Jesus is in his life. uh Nismus decides he needs to return back to Phileiman and do the right thing in his own life. And so as he heads back, Paul writes a letter that he's going to carry with him to his former owner because Paul is trying to help the former owner realize, hey, you need to reconcile with him. He might have stole from you. He might have did some things he shouldn't have done, but you need to reconcile with him, not as an owner to a slave, but as a brother in Christ to a brother in Christ. And so when you pick up these last few verses, here's what I want you to just imagine with the actual letter going on. Onismas, this slave that had run away from his owner for several months now, hands back. He knocks on the door of the owner. Phileiman opens the door and Onismus is there handing the letter to him. Now, here's why I think it's important to kind of understand that situation. Can you imagine Phileiman's thoughts the minute he opened the door? He hadn't read the letter. He had no idea that Onismus had met Jesus. He had no idea that he had met his friend Paul. He just sees his former slave that is stolen from him returning home. I'm sure as Phileiman first saw him, the conflict, the anger. You may be saying, "Well, slavery, here's what we talked about. Not for slavery. These have been very dark seasons in the life of our world and our country." But in that custom, it was the custom for slavery for servants to be a part of households. And so Phileiman opens the door and here's this dude that stole something from him. Here's this guy that took something from him. Here's the guy that he's ready to do something to him if he ever saw him again. And Phileiman hands him the letter and he begins or Onismus hands Phileiman the letter and Phileiman begins reading it. And here's the words that he ends up with. Paul writes, "So if you consider me your partner." So Paul's going, "Hey, Phileiman, we've been friends for a long time. If we're partners and friends, but more than that, partners in the gospel of Jesus." So if you consider me your partner, welcome him as you would welcome me. In other words, he's going, "Hey, Fileman, I got to help you out. Onismas is returning." And this whole idea of hurt is real, but it's not about feeling hurt. It's about healing from the hurt. Let's talk about reconciliation. He says, "If he has wronged you in any way or he owes you anything, charge it to me." Now, let me kind of catch up to some more speed. When Paul is writing this letter, he's in jail. Okay? He's got nothing to gain from these two people reconciling physically or financially or anything. But Paul's in jail. Doesn't have a lot to give himself, but he's going, "It is so important that you two reconcile. Phileiman, if Onismus owes you anything because he stole from you because he left his his earnings on the table or didn't help you with anything, if he owes you anything, he says, "Charge it to me." And then he goes on in verse 19, I, Paul, write this with my own hand. I will repay it. Whatever the cost is, I will personally repay it. And I won't even mention that you owe me your very soul. Owed him his soul because Paul is the one that probably led up Phileiman to know who Jesus is. And so there's a not an obligation, but there's an an indebtedness to him that he had there. He says, "Yes, my brother. Please do me this favor for the sake of the Lord. Give me this encouragement in Christ. I am confident as I write this letter that you will do what I ask and even more. I am confident that you will restore your relationship with Nissimus. I am confident that you will receive him as a brother in Christ. I am confident that you will reconcile with him. And if he owes you anything, if it costs you anything to do this, he says, "Charge it to my account. I will pay it in full." And so, here's the question I have when I read that. Why, Paul? Why would you offer to pay this? Remember, Paul's in jail over here? He he he will receive nothing for it. In fact, the Bible lets us know as we were reading the first part the last few weeks that Anismas had become Paul's friend in jail and probably was able to visit him and care for him and bring him things. So the very fact that Paul was sending him to reconcile Paul was losing a trusted help and a trusted friend. So why why would Paul think it's so important for these two people to reconcile? Just like in the relationships in your life as you think about the hurt, there was deep hurt. Wouldn't it have been easier if Onismus had just stayed with Paul? That Phileiman had lost a slave. He had had some things stolen from him. But if we just put it under the rug, if we just keep our distance, if we don't deal with it and act like it never happened, wouldn't that have been better and easier? But in Paul's minds, it wouldn't have been better. It wouldn't have been easier. In fact, he said, "It's so important that you reconcile. I will pay the cost. Why? Now, here's the interesting thing. If you read the book of Phaleiman, it's so short. It pretty much ends there. There's a few more verses and he's just saying, "Hey, thanks for taking him back and see you later and hope to see you soon." And so Paul never answers in the book of Phileiman the why. But here's the good news about Paul. He wrote several other letters to other churches and other people. And he actually tells us why in another letter. If you look up the chapter of the book 2 Corinthians chapter 5, he's writing about something similar about reconciliation. And he answers the why. Let me read 2 Corinthians chapter 5 to you. Verse 17. Paul writes this. This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. So he's talking about a person who has a relationship with Jesus that has accepted Jesus in their heart and God has changed their life. I think about those who were baptized last week. They were perfect visible example of how God has come in their lives and changed their lives. They were new creations. They're new persons. And Paul goes on to write the old life is gone. A new life has begun. And then in verse 18, and all of this is a gift from God who brought us back to himself. God brought us back to himself through Jesus. Do you know what we call that? Reconciliation. Okay, that's why Paul's talking about it. He goes, he has brought him back brought us back to himself through Christ. And God, now watch this. And God, this is the why part. This answers the question. And God has given us this task of reconciling people to him. Do you want to know why Paul thinks it's so important that he even pays out of his own pocket to reconcile Paul or reconcile Nissimus with Phileiman? Because Paul's going, "Here's the deal. God reconciled me. I was lost on my own way. I was walking this way and God was walking this way. I was doing what I wanted to do and I wasn't doing what God wanted me to do. But God found me. He loved me. He changed me. He saved me through Jesus. I was reconciled to God. And now God has given me the task of helping other people be reconciled to God just like I am. You're going, "Well, hang on a second. That that's great, Paul. You're going around preaching. You're going around starting churches. You're going around telling people you're far from God. Get close to God." And yeah, it's all about reconciling with God. But why are you paying the cost for two people to be reconciled? Like we're not talking vertical relationship with God. We're talking horizontal between people. What do people being broken? What do people being reconciled have to do with being broken and then reconciled to God? The vertical relationship for God verse 19. For God was in Christ reconciling the world himself no longer counting people's sins against them. And he gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation. And so we are Christ ambassadors. God is making his appeal through us. We speak Christ when we plead and we come back to God. Let me give you three quick bullet points on just breaking that whole message down. Here's the first one. If you're taking notes, you can write this. God reconciled himself to um through God reconciled us to himself through Jesus. Jesus stepped in and he paid a cost he didn't owe for a debt we couldn't pay. Okay? That's who Jesus is. That's why Jesus came to this world to reconcile us to God. The Bible says our sin separated us from God. And there was this gap, this chasm between us and God. And it's when Jesus laid his life on the cross and he died on the cross and rose again. He became a bridge that we can get to God. That's why Jesus came. That's the first thing Paul said in this one. Here's the second thing he said. We are entrusted with sharing this reconciliation to others. You see, when Jesus died on the cross, I heard this old legend. He died on the cross and he he was buried and he rose again three days later and he goes up to heaven and he's sitting around talking to the angels and one of the angels says, "Hey, Jesus, I have a question for you. Like, this is the most important event in human history. How are we going to let other people know about it? I mean, you got the people there watching it, but what's going to happen in a hundred years or 200 years or 2,000 years? How are you going to let Do you have some big marketing plan like social media is going to come one day? Are you going to use social media? Are you going to get big billboards? And the legend says this that Jesus just looks at the angels and says, "No, I'm not going to do a social media plan. I'm not going to get big billboards." And one of the angels going, "Jesus, this is a big message like you raising from the dead. you reconciling people to God. We got to get that message out. What are you going to do? And they're all like the angels are antsy like we got to come up with something like let's let's get the big marketing plan. And the legend says that Jesus just kind of sits there calmly, not seeming too stressed, not too worried about it, but they're like the angels are just like going crazy. And finally, one of them just said, "Jesus, tell us how are you going to do this? What's what's the plan?" And Jesus looks at the angels and says, "I'll just let people tell people. I'll just trust the people that have been reconciled to tell somebody else, and they can tell somebody else, and they can tell somebody else." You know what that means for you and I? If we don't share the message of Jesus reconciling us to God, then the next person down the road is not going to know. If you don't share with your neighbors, if you don't share with your co-workers, if you don't fail with your fellow students in class, if you don't share with fill in the blank, if you don't, it won't.

Now, you're sitting there going, "Oh, Keith, you could say it so well. You're the pastor. You have the right words to say. You help me understand it, but if I had to share it with somebody, I don't think I would find the right words to say. I can't eloquently speak like you do. I can't preach like you do. I don't know what words to use. I know Jesus died to reconcile me with God and I'm getting it that I'm supposed to tell other people, but I don't know what to say. That brings us a third point. What Paul was saying to the Corinth church, the best way to share reconciliation is to live it out.

The best way to share reconciliation, the reconciliation that God that Jesus did for you to reconcile with God, the best way to share it with your neighbors, your friends, your co-workers, your family members, the best way to share it is by living it out. Now watch. And so he asked the question, Paul, why would you so so be willing to pay the cost for Phileiman and Onismas to reconcile? Because Paul knew this that their reconciliation, horizontal relationship reconciliation would preach an amazing sermon to others about who Jesus is. See, one of the things that we know about Phileiman is that he was the pastor of a local church. It wasn't a church like we have a big building. He just had a house church. And so, he was trying to push and share and tell people who Jesus was. Now, you can tell all the stories about Jesus you want to, but if you don't tell the story of Jesus reconciling us to God, you missed the main story. And so, Paul knew because he's the one that mentored. He's the one that discipled Phileiman. He's like, "You're that message has got to be clear." So he said, "Filean, I will pay the cost, whatever it is, for you to reconcile with Onissimus because it will preach such a good sermon that people can see and watch and hear." Are you with me? This means I I'm with you. Okay, you with me? Now, here's why that's important. That's why it's important

for you and I. No matter the hurt, no matter the cost that we have carried in our souls over broken relationships, that is why it is so critical that we move towards reconciliation with other people because when we do, we share the message of Jesus in a beautiful way. Now the opposite is true too. But when we don't

we muddy up and give lack of clarity to the message of Jesus to the people around us.

And we are his only method. We are Jesus's only method. We are his only plan for us to share with the world. the reconciliation that God does for us through Jesus. So we have one or two responsibilities or one or two options. We can either preach it clearly or we can preach it unclearly. When we live in reconciliation with those around us, we live it out clearly. But when we don't, we live it out unclear. Are you with me? Now, this is the part of the message I hate, church, because I do love you. And many of you have come to me individually and you shared your stories, and they are so complicated. They're complicated. They're messy. They're ugly. And I feel like at this moment, it is the biggest guilt trip that I could lay on you right then. If you don't go reconcile, then you're not going to be a very good picture of Jesus. Whoa, thanks for going to church. That felt really good today, right? But here's this. Watch it. It is not meant for a guilt trip because the cost that you've been carrying for this broken relationship. When you move towards reconciliation,

your soul is freed up.

your burden will be lighter. Why? Because you're following in the instructions of what Jesus says. And when we live that way, it makes our life lighter. Now, we shared a few or I shared a few weeks ago that living in reconciliation with somebody doesn't automatically make you best friends. In fact, there's people in my life that I've reconciled our hearts together that I'm not asking over to my house to eat dinner. They're toxic people. They're unhealthy people. So, don't get me wrong here. Reconciliation doesn't mean you invite them back into your life and they spend every minute with you and you become best friends again. Reconciliation is more about the heart than our hands. Now there are some relationships that when you reconciled it is done in such a beautiful way that you do become friends again that you do get to hang out that you can be in the same room that you can grow on that relationship that is the ultimate goal but I also want to free you up. Just because you reconcile doesn't mean you become their best friends again. It may be healthier not to become best friends. Are you with me? But regardless if you invite them over for a dinner when you reconcile or you reconcile and they're never invited over for dinner, reconciliation is more about the heart than about the hands or the actions moving forward.

But your step towards reconciliation becomes the beautiful picture that the world sees who Jesus really is.

You know, I began the sermon asking the question, "So, why did Paul pay the cost?" There may be better questions we ask. Like, that's good to know, right? Because now we understand the why part of it. But I think there's some deeper questions we can ask here. Here's here's a deeper question. These aren't in your notes, but they may be worth writing down for you to consider and pray about. Here's the first question. Who in your life would know the gospel better if you chose reconciliation over resentment?

Who in your life would see a clearer picture of who Jesus is if you chose reconciliation over resentment?

Another question.

Who would see Jesus more clearly if you absorbed the cost instead of demanding repayment?

Who would see Jesus in your life more clearly if you absorb the cost rather than the demanding repayment? Gosh, there's so many payments. We don't act like give me money for this, but what's the payments? You're like, you know, you owe me my pride at stake here. I can't make the first step. It's my right. You did this to me. It's my right to hang on to this. I What if you paid the cost? What if you said,

"I'm going to let go." You see, here's what I know about brokenness. Here's what I know about hurtfulness.

It usually ends up hurting us more than it hurts the other person.

It usually does more damage to our soul than it does the other person's soul. And somehow we think if I hang on to this like my fists are my fists are clenched and I'm hanging on to this and I'm just ready to punch you in your face if I ever get a chance. But we never get that chance. But our hands say so cl fisted up and so just clinched like this. We are just intense the whole time.

Imagine a life that you didn't live like this, but you live like this.

Rather than this, it's this. And so the invitation today is just to take a step towards this. And when I say say a step, maybe for some of you, it's going directly home today and calling somebody. Maybe it's just a text to somebody. Maybe you're not even ready to approach that somebody.

Maybe a step is simply just going, "God, I'm ready to talk about this. God, let's talk. Show me inside of me better than I can see inside of me.

Now, the question I end with this, what happens if you take that step and the other person stays like this? It's a possibility, right?

It happened to me.

I flew to speak face to face with somebody

and the whole time they were like this. And since then they've even sent me texts like this.

And every time I get one of those text, guess what I get to do? I get to receive it like this. I've done what I'm supposed to do

and now I just get to pray and say, "Jesus, they're yours."

The question is, what step towards reconciliation is God calling you to make? And may I remind you, the reason we pay the cost here is because Jesus paid the cost for us. He paid it all. I'm not entitled when I look at all that he's done for me. I don't get to give my rights because Jesus gave up his rights and left heaven and came to this earth and died on the cross that I might be reconciled to God.

So I live my life like this because he lived his life like this. Will you pray with me? Father,

in this moment I pray this that you would minister Holy Spirit to the hurts in this room. And Jesus, you know the stories in this room and you know the levels and the depths and the messiness. You know the complications of relationships.

And holy God, I'm I'm glad that you're not just here to give us a guilt trip.

God, you desire to free us. And so I simply pray for my friends in this room. Would you give them strength and courage to just to take a step towards reconciliation to live in your freedom that the world may see a clearer picture of who you are. And I pray this in your holy name. Amen.