Our Walk in Relationships

Well, good morning. Listen, as we get started this morning, you go out through next week, just remember we have lots of kids returning back to school. Um so, um be praying for those kids returning back to school, pray for the teachers that are returning back to school. And um I just think that's a good thing for us. Even though we some many of us may not have kids in that age group anymore, we can thank God for that and then pray for those that do, right? Listen, um a couple of weeks ago, Denise got a new car and so we tried a marriage experiment. And here's how the experiment worked. that for a long time we've been one car so we've just defaulted anytime we go somewhere I just always get in the driver's seat and I drive but when she got this new car here's our experiment that when we took her car somewhere that she would go ahead and drive and I want you to know over about the last three weeks our marriage experiment is needing to turn into marriage counseling. Okay, it has not been the easiest transition of that. And it reminded me of a story that I read of another couple that tried an experiment like this. And and here's what happened in the experiment that the wife declared her husband was the best driver in the family, especially when she was behind the wheel. She went on to say this. She said her husband had a gift, the gift of help. So when she's driving, he just wanted help. He would helpful give helpful tips like you might want to slow down. That car is breaking. You missed the turn. The wife said this, that when she's driving and her husband's in the passenger seat seat, she no longer needed GPS because she now had HPS. Instead of having the um the GPS, she had the husband positioning system. And the best part that it recalculated out loud every time she made a mistake where she was driving. So, I don't know how many of y'all can identify with that, but but here here's why I thought about that. that um we've been studying the book of Ephesians all this summer and last week we talked about and got that point of the scripture in chapter five that says this that we need to be filled with the Holy Spirit and I don't know about you but there's no other better place in my life that I need the filling of the Holy Spirit when it comes to relationships whether that's relationship with spouses relationship with children relationship with co-workers like not only do you need the Holy Spirit to be completely filled in those relationships nothing proves your filling of the Holy Spirit more than those relationships And so here's what happened. Last week we ended with this verse and let me just read it for you. It's Ephesians chapter 5 18- 21. And here's what it says. Paul writes, "But be filled with the Holy Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart." He went on to say, "Giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." And then he ended this way when he's talking about being filled with the Holy Spirit. He said, "And submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ." And so, there's a part of our Christian walk that if we are filled with the Holy Spirit, one of the evidences of us being filled with the Holy Spirit is that we have a submission to one another. Um, another person put it this way, that we prefer one another, that we put another person or other people in front of our own wants and desires. And that's evidence of us being filled with the Holy Spirit. And then as we continue to study Ephesians, here's what Paul does next. And this is the part of the passage that we're going to really land on today. He takes a long portion of his letter and he begins to write specific ways that we can be filled with the Holy Spirit that we can submit to one another, but he takes specific roles within that of practical life. He takes husbands and wives and fathers and parents and children. He even goes to workers and employees, employees or employers. And he says, "This is what it looks like when you're full of the Holy Spirit and as you submit to one another." And so, we're going to take some time to talk about this today. I appreciate those of you that kind of looked ahead at what we're about to talk about, especially the part where it says, "Wives submit to husbands." And many of you came up to me and just gave your condolences to me before I ever started preaching the sermon, right? Because you had no idea what's going to happen. I want you to know anything that I say today, I have checked with my wife to make sure I can say it. Okay? Just let you know as as we do this, but we're going to take a look at it. And so, allow me to do this. It's a longer passage than we normally read. But I want to read the whole thing to you and then let's look at it together. So, this is what Paul says in Ephesians chapter 5, and I'll start now in verse 22. He says, "Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its savior. Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church, and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ does the church because we are all members of his body. And in verse 31, and therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, the two shall become one flesh. And this mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. And then starting in chapter 6 verse one, children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother, and this is the first commandment with the promise, that it may go well with you, and that you may live long in the land. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. And then bond servants, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart as you would Christ, not by the way of eye service as people pleasers, but as bondervants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, rendering service with the good will as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that whatever good anyone does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether he is a bondervant or he is free. And then masters, do the same to them and stop your threatening knowing that he who is both their master and yours is in heaven and there is no partiality with him. And so Paul takes some time right here and he really takes some roles. He takes these six different roles and he says, "Okay, if we're going to abide by this idea of submitting to one another," he said, "let me show you what it looks like in each of these roles." And as he takes those roles, here's what he's doing. He is presenting to us followers of Christ. He's presenting to us what I referred to as a divine order of relationships. Now, that's not in your notes, but if you're taking notes today, that is a key phrase in here. A divine order of relationships. It's the husband wife order. It's the parent child order. It's the employer employee. Now, as you know, we just read, he's talking about bond servants and and masters. We no longer operate, thank goodness, in that type of society. But you can take the same principles that he applied and you can apply it to the workforce as an employer, as an employee in there. And so he sets up this this this idea, this divine order of relationships. But here's what we have to remember that when he sets up this divine order of relationships, he is not defining a person's value. He's not setting up a hierarchy. He's simply just saying in life, all of life, there's an order to the way that things should work. I mean, think about that in your own household. When you were raising kids, you knew at one point as a parent, you would look down going, there's an order, and I'm in charge here. And if you listen to me and do what I say, then things will be better. If you go to the office and you start working, there's an order of who's calling the shots and who's not. There's an order in everything that we do. But here's what we have to understand because people get so defensive about that statement that it does not define superiority one person over the other. It doesn't place this person is more valuable than this person over here. Let me give you an idea what I mean when I say this. Let's say you go out and you buy a brand new Ford car tomorrow and you look at that car. Here's what you need to know. Behind the making of that car, there is an org chart that takes place at Ford Motor Company. And at the very top of that motor company, that Ford motor company sits the CEO. Okay? When you're looking at art or chart, everything else follows underneath him. And then there's some vice presidents and there's some marketing people and there's some design people in there. And it goes all the way down until it gets the assembly line. And somewhere on that org chart, there's a person on the assembly line that is in charge of checking the brakes before that car ever leaves the plant. Now, the org chart looks like this. And one might say, "Oh, the CEO is much more valuable than the person who's checking the brakes before that car ever leaves the assembly line." If you just bought that vehicle, which in your eyes is more valuable, the CEO or the person who checked your brakes before that car ever left assembly line? Are you with me? So, as Paul sets up in this this whole idea here, he's really just saying there is an order to life. And that order is not man-made. It is God designed. And it would do us all good to look at these different roles that he places in these few verses here and looks and look and see if we as we fulfill those particular roles in your own life, how are you matching up and are you following that order? And he gets some just really clear biblical guidelines. So one way that you can study the scripture is by looking at the specific roles and what God says and how they fit in the order. That's a great way to study this Bible and to study this passage. But there's another way to look at it also rather than looking at it kind of where the rubber meets the road on each of these roles. I think we're also in a very spiritually scripturally healthy way that we can look at it more from a 30,000 foot level as well because remember the verse before he started listing all these roles had one big overarching verse and that's b back in verse like 19 or 20 and it says this when we are filled with the Holy Spirit then we are be submitting to one another. You see what Paul is doing in this? He's going in relationships, for relationships to thrive, for relationships to healthy in life, no matter what the relationship is, there must be a compatibility of submitting to one another, for those relationships to really be cohesive with one another. In fact, I would even venture to say this because Paul puts it here in the scriptures. For a relationship to be spiritually healthy, there must be an attitude of submitting to one another regardless of what the role is. It is because in that submitting to one another that we are valuing one another in the image and the way and the person that God made that person. So two ways to look at this passage. You can look at it kind of on the ground rubber meets the road. Let's look specifically at every role. Or we can look at at the 30,000 foot level and say, "What kind of life principles can we gain from this that teaches us how to submit to one another in a healthy way?" And what I would like to do today is look together at this passage at the 30,000 foot level. Again, I am not discounting and negating what God says in his word as far as the specific roles. Okay? It is not an eitheror. It's a both and. But just simply for today for our study, we're going to look at all of them at a 30,000 foot level. And we're going to look at some healthy ways that we can approach relationships. And so in order that we can learn how to submit to one another in a spiritual way. Does that make sense? This means yes. This means no. This means I was afraid I was going to get in trouble when I got home after you started preaching today. So here we go. If you've got your notes, let's let's take a look at them together. And here's what I would say. The first application on how to prefer one another in a spiritual sense in our everyday life. Here's the first 30,000 foot application. We trust others by choosing cooperation over control. So remember, we're looking at the submitting to one another at a 30,000 foot level. One that it does that we can apply regardless of our relationship, regardless of the role that we fulfill in that relationship. And that we should trust others by choosing cooperation over control. Do you realize this? From the time that you and I were born born, we have been fighting over control. Go back to time that you're trying to change a little baby's diaper. What's that baby doing? Squirming and wiggling and trying to take control because the baby might not want you to change their diaper at that time. At a very infant stage, a child is fighting for control. Take that child to preschool and it's time to go to bed. Anybody want to pull your hair out of your head by the time you got your preschooler down to sleep because your idea of what time to go to bed wasn't the same idea that child's idea of what time to go to sleep was? Yeah. They're wrestling for control. Go all the way to high school. Anybody ever had arguments with a high school kid in your family about what time curfew is? Yeah. It's all about control. It's not even as much about this 30 minutes later or 30 minutes sooner. It's all about wanting to be control. As a newlyweds, go back to your very first fight. It was probably over control. Now, you can fill in the blank of what the fight was about, but somebody wanted to be the the the win over something that you were going to do. And we can go through every stage of life. And in life, we are always fighting for control. And so here's what Paul is saying that what we need to make sure that we're doing is that we need to make sure that we're focusing more over choosing cooperation with one another and giving up control. That's how you submit to one another. In fact, he used the example as we read while ago. He talked to wives and he said this in verse 22 through 24. Wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church. his body and is himself its savior. Verse 24, now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit and everything to their husbands. Again, you can nail down and drill down and talk specific roles. Or if we keep it up at the 30,000 foot level, he's giving the principle there of submitting, of giving up control, and not always wanting what you want more than anything else. In fact, I wrote this statement down. says this, "Relationships grow stronger and more meaningful when we stop grasping for control and start contributing towards greater connection." Let me say that again. These relationships, husband, wife, son, um, mother, daughter, father, friend, a friend, these relationships will be healthier when we take this attitude of submission towards one another. And they will grow stronger and more meaningful when we stop grasping for control and start contributing towards greater connection. How many times have Denise and I got through a fight and we looked at each other and said which is more important to be right or to be together. It is about us coming and both of us giving up some control and moving towards something together. Submission is not a weakness, but it's trust in a relationship. Submitting to another person is not this act of weakness. It's really an act of trust to say, I will give over some of my control to you because I trust you have my best in mind when you do it. So, the first principle that we can gather, remember this is all relationships at the 30,000 foot level. all relationships because Paul says that we should submit to one another. The first principle is trust others by choosing cooperation over control. Let me give you the next one. Second principle that we can gain from Paul's writing in this passage number two is love others by protecting them and persevering with them. Let me say that again. Love others by protecting them and persevering with them. He said in in Ephesians chapter 5 25 um there he says, "Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." Now, if we're going to drill down to the specific roles, and somebody says, "Well, I don't like this idea that the Bible says that women should submit to their husbands." Here's what I do know. There's a natural principle us principle in us. When you love somebody so deeply that you're willing to sacrifice your life for them, then that person has a much more trusting spirit and they will then begin to submit to you. Not submit like take your thumb and press them down, but submit to say, "Listen, I don't always have to have my way. I trust you with your life. I trust you with my life. I trust you with our life together." And so really as we look at all these principles together today, they are really interdependent upon one another. You can't just cherrypick one going, "Hey, you need to start doing that better." We need to take all of them and all of them work together. I'll never forget a number of years ago when Denise and I spent our whole life living in Texas, close to family, close to all of our lifetime friends, and God called us to California. I said, "God called us. We felt like God was calling us, but we still had the conversations that we had to agree together. Some of the scariest conversations we ever had in our life. Like this idea of following God and we felt like he was leading us to California to move from Texas and we were excited about the move, but yet leaving our own kids behind. That was something we never dreamed of. Like you you you you know you're going to send your kids off to college one day. You think one day they may move away from you. But it had never crossed our mind to move away from our kids. was emotionally just overwhelming. Um it was a season of faith in our life that we were going to leave a job with great stability and take a new job, a new position at a church and we were taking less money. So to move from Texas to move to California and take less money like God, you better step up some way somehow because we don't know how to make even the ends meet on this one. So there's all these things that we were having to talk through and we'd go back and forth and back and forth. I'll never forget the day I looked at Denise and said, "Denise, what do you think?" Because mutual submitting to one another. I wasn't going to force the move. She wasn't pushing the move. We're going to be on this together. And she said, "Keith, I don't know what we need to do. I don't know what God wants us to do." But she looked at me and said, "But I trust you." And there was this moment in my life as a husband that I didn't walk away going, "Yes, I finally taught that woman to submit to me. That's it. That didn't happen." But I fell on my knees before God. And I said, "God, thank you for leading me my whole life to love her so deeply and sacrificially that she will trust me even when I don't know what I'm doing." And that is the principle that Paul is talking about that we can apply to every one of our lives. It fits perfectly in the context of a husband and wife. But it fits just as perfectly in the in the in the relationship of any relationship that you fill in the blanks there that you love others by protecting them and by persevering with them. The submission mentioned in chapter in verse 22 never happens without the sacrifice mentioned in 25. I'm going to get to heaven one day going, "Hey, Paul, I I know like sometimes you got really wordy. Like if you would have swapped those verses, if you would have said the man's role before the woman's role in there, it would have sure made it a lot easier for a lot of us to digest along the years." But for whatever reason, he put that in that divine order. An individual cooperating is built on the belief that they will be protected at all times. Let me say that again. An individual cooperating is built on the belief that they will be protected at all times. When we sacrificially love, we never have to force. When we sacrificially persevere with somebody, there's a lot more readiness for them to follow and submit with you. Let me take you to the third one. The third overarching principle that we could talk about, remember, we're talking about the overarching principle of what does it look like to biblically submit to one another? And I'm going to keep saying this over and over because some people may be hearing me going, "Oh, you're taking this high road up here and you don't think those roles are still biblical." I believe in every one of those roles that scripture talks about. It would do us well as a church to dig in deeper and examine those roles and see what the Bible has to say. The Bible does not become dated in roles. Roles value people and allow them to operate the way God intended us to. But as we think of all relationships, here's the third one. Respect others as a tangible way of honoring God. Number three, respect others as a tangible way of honoring God. Scripture says this in Genesis that we were all made in the image of God. So when we show respect to those around us, regardless of the relationship, we are honoring God. When a young boy looks at his dad and says, "Yes, sir, dad," with a good mind and good obedience, he's honoring God. But when a father respects his son, he's also honoring God. So respect is not something that we earn. Respect is something that we simply give because that individual is made in the image of God. What Paul talked about there in Ephesians, he said, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother. This is the first commandment with the promise that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land." The famous evangelist Billy Graham said it this way. When we show respect for others, we honor God by recognizing his handiwork in them. When we show respect for others, we honor God by recognizing his handiwork in them. Honor flows upward to God when respect flows outward to people. I mean, you think sometimes God is just sitting up in heaven watching us walk through our day and he's looking at every single person we come in contact with and he's going, "Yep, I made that person in my image. Yep, I made that person in my image. Yep, I made her in my image. Yep, I made him in my image." And he's watching to see how we interact. Remember, respect is given, not earned because God made that person in his image. So, it's my duty to respect each person. So he's looking. Did you respect him, Keith? Ah, you did good. I'm honored. Did you respect them? Oh, Keith, you did good. You worshiped me when you respect that person. Keith, I saw how you how you interacted with that person that was checking you out at the grocery store and you didn't have much patience and and you were just kind of short with that person. That didn't look much looked like worship to me. Keith, did you forget they were made in my image? Keith, did you even consider what they were going through before they ever came to work that day? And so, as we interact with people, regardless of the relationship, respecting people horizontally is a way that we can honor God vertically. Let me give you the fourth one. The fourth one says this. The fourth principle is guide others with gracefilled instructions rather than frustrating demands. Guide others with gracefilled instructions rather than frustrating demands. An example that Paul gave as fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Here's a truth that we know that a relationship that provokes is a relationship that leaves a lifelong wounds. And some of you may know that exactly that you grew up in a family that a father, a mother, whoever had authority over you pushed and pushed and pushed and demanded and demanded demanded and it didn't raise you up in a healthy way. It raised you up with deep wounds that you've had to overcome as an adult. That's what happens when we provoke people around us. Gracefilled relationships avoid manipulation or domination. They choose patience over pressure. And that's how we honor those around us that we choose patience over pressure. Think about the life of Jesus for a second. Wherever Jesus went, the greatest authority to walk physically walk on this earth was Jesus Christ himself. He was God the Father in human form. And he could have stepped in going, "By golly, I'm dropping the hammer. I'm God and I'm here and this is what's going to happen." But how did Jesus go around and teach? He taught with clarity. He corrected with compassion and he always led with love. If we would take that same disposition as we interacted with the people around us, as we led the people around us, as we guided them, if we're like, Jesus, let me just guide this person, whether it's my son, my daughter, somebody at work, somebody I'm friends with, but we do all kinds of guiding in in in life, don't we? I mean we may not be the boss where they have to say yes sir no sir but almost every conversation we have there's some kind of guiding that we do if we would allow our guidance to be gracefilled more than pressurized that it would exhibit more patience than pressure that we would look to be more like Jesus that is the way that we come and we submit to one another that will build healthy spiritual earthly relationships Paul gives two more. Let me let me close with these last two. The next one is that we work for others as an intentional act of worship. So in the different examples Paul had a husband wife and then he took fathers but you could say parents and children and then he took the next work relationship and again in the scripture it'll talk about servants and masters. Thank goodness we're no longer in that type of social structure, but you can apply it to both work and and employee employer. And so Paul takes these and what he does then he basically says this, our work should be worship. Our work should not get a paycheck. I mean we hope we get a paycheck for work, right? But if our only goal in our work is a paycheck, then we will not use our job as an act of worship. And I think you can take this and you can apply more than just the workplace. Chores at home, if students as you students go back to school, it is your your job is really right now a student. So whether it's chores or career, we need to understand that our work should be more than just getting a paycheck. It's a platform to worship Jesus through your attitude, your integrity, and your effort. Wow, that changes a job evaluation, right? What if the next job evaluation you had, instead of sitting down with your supervisor and they're going, "Okay, let's talk about the last six months, what if your next job evaluation you had, you had to sit down with God himself?" And he said, "Okay, I'm not really looking for your productivity. I'm not really looking to see how many hours you worked or how you got along with your co-workers." He said, "I want to evaluate your work, whether as a student or your chores or your career. I want to evaluate your work on how well you worshiped me. Wouldn't that change our perspective of how we work? This is what he said in Ephesians chapter 6. Paul said, "Servants, respectfully obey your earthly masters." This is the message version. I love the way it just contemporizes it a little bit more. He said, "Servants, respectfully obey your earthly masters, but always with an eye to obeying the real master, Jesus Christ. Don't just do what you have to do to get by, but work hardly as Christ's servants, doing what God wants you to do. And work with a smile on your face, always keeping in mind that no matter who who happens to be giving the orders, you are really serving God. Did you catch the last part of that? That no matter who happens to be giving the earthly orders, you're really serving God in what you do in your work. Serving others with sincerity isn't a weakness. It's a witness that Jesus Christ is your real boss. Unwanted assignments can carry eternal significance when viewed as an act of worship. How many times have you been given an assignment whether it's at work or at home or at school just fussing? This is stupid. Like you know the whole conversation every high school student's ever had about algebra. Why do I need algebra? I I don't want to have algebra. What if every high school student this year when they went to school looked at their algebra assignment as an act of worship?

And as parents going, "Oh, my life would be so much easier." Like I can just imagine, hallelujah, is back at their desk in their bedroom. Amen. That would be incredible. But now think about this for a second. If you're a parent that son or daughter is struggling with algebra and they think it's stupid they have to learn it but they view it as worship. You can just go and I can see my son or daughter's heart just be just changed not towards algebra but who God made them. If that works in an algebra assignment you fill in the blank with your own assignment and all of a sudden our heart becomes out of worship. Here's the last one that I'll leave for you of the 30,000 foot principles that we have in here. And can I say it again because I want to make sure nobody walks out of here. There are really two ways that we could interpret or view or study this passage. There are the specific roles that God has given specific roles. And this chapter, this passage that we're reading today gives great biblical insight to how those specific roles work in his order. But there's also this 30,000 foot level that we're using today to say how do all these principles of submitting apply to each of us in every relationship. And here's the last one in that category. Lead others with humility and accountability. This is when Paul is talking to the to the bons or to to the masters or to what we'd call employees or employers or or talking to the bosses. He says, "Masters, it's the same with you. No abuse. please and no threats. You and your servants are both under the same master in heaven. He makes no distinction between you and them. You see, according to Jesus, according to scripture, leading others doesn't elevate you. It calls you to serve them. Man, I used to think when I start first started the workforce and ministry going, I can't wait till I'm the boss. Okay? I can't wait till I have somebody underneath me to tell them what to do. Life will be so much easier. Anybody in here that's a boss and says life is easier when you're the boss. But it doesn't elevate me to say I can tell you what to do. It really makes me humbles me to that point that I'm to follow my knees and going and how do I lead them so they can be leading in the best who God made them. So when it comes to relationships, when it comes to to authority in our relationships, we lead others with humility and accountability. Influence grows when people feel safe under your leadership, not pressured by it. That's leadership within your family. That's leadership within the workforce. Whatever form or fashion your leadership comes, when people feel safe, they thrive to become who God made them. But when they feel pressured, they feel intimidated, they feel scared, and they can't operate in who God made them. We should always lead like Jesus who connected with compassion and he led with love. What did Paul say? Be filled with the Holy Spirit. And one of one of the evidences of us being filled with the Holy Spirit is that we live a life of submitting to one another in all relationships. And I hope and pray church that as we listed these six different overarching principles, can you go home and apply all six? No. But maybe one the Holy Spirit said, "You need to work on that one." Maybe he grabbed you and said, "You need to work on that one." You may be sitting somebody next to you love a lot going you need to grab hold of this one. You can do that on your own time. But I'm trust the Holy Spirit's leading us. You know, if you have one of the handouts, there's a prayer at the bottom of it. And as the band comes up and we're going to wrap up with a song, here's what I think. It would be healthy and good for us. This prayer, it's a great prayer for all of us to read, to lead, to pray all week long. And I would like to invite you to stand where you are and us pray this prayer together. If you don't have the words, if you don't have your bulletin, they're going to be up here on the screen. But will you join me as we pray this prayer together? Jesus, I admit that I often want to lead, to win, or to be right. But you call me to something deeper, to trust you enough to put others first. Teach me how to yield, not out of weakness, but out of strength that comes from you. Help me to listen more than I speak, serve more than I seek, and respond with grace instead of pride in my relationships at home, work, church, and everywhere. Show me how to love by laying down my will and trusting yours. May my life reflect how the church submits to you willingly, joyfully, and faithfully. Amen.